An Introduction to the Lifestyle
What better way to start a new feature like this than on every Wednesday, “Hump Day”?
This is a subject that I will be writing about on a weekly basis here at the “Art of Adult”. It was suggested to me by several people who know I am part of the lifestyle and they felt it would make for interesting and helpful reading. They, and I, feel that it may answer questions people have and who have thought about becoming part of the lifestyle. I hope you will find this weekly feature every Wednesday both entertaining and informative and along the way it will answer some questions you may have.
To a lot of people when you mention the word swingers they think of dancer doing the swing to the big bands or dancers and western swing music. In some cases they may be right, but today that word pertains to a lifestyle that is enjoyed by close to 4 million American couples and singles from coast to coast. It is a sexual lifestyle that has been around since the fifties, took on big increase in the sixties and seventies, pretty much peaked in the eighties and early nineties with t the majority of couples who were part of this life style in their 20′s to early 40′s. But since the 2000′s a wonderful thing has happened in the lifestyle, not only has it picked up steam, thanks in a big part to the internet, but the age range has also had a dramatic change. Today the majority of people in the lifestyle or just coming into it are in their fifties and beyond! A very large number of those now in their fifties came into it when they were in their thirties and have maintained a place in the lifestyle ever since.
In my case, we first came into it in 1982 and have been a part of the lifestyle ever since. My late wife was active until her stroke in 2000 and then her passing in 2002. Except for a year or so that I dropped out of it after her passing I have been once again active in the lifestyle since. In those 30 years we/I were not only participants, but also ran a swinger’s club with another couple for five years. I have written articles on the lifestyle, given seminars for new couples coming into the lifestyle and have enjoyed every minute of it along with the fantastic long lasting friends we/I have met over the years. It has been a life changing experience and one of the very first things that was obvious about being in the lifestyle was that it made our marriage of 35 years much stronger in every way possible. It has also made the relationship I have been in for several years stronger and more positive than anyone can imagine. And, it has also kept me young at heart and of mind and body.
To begin with, because of the intimate nature of swinging, this is not something you wake up one morning and decide, “I’m gonna be a swinger starting today.” Just because you may have a sexually open mind, like to dress sexy and enjoy adult things doesn’t mean you could automatically be a swinger. It is something that takes a lot of open and honest discussion between partners. It takes soul searching and deciding if you are mentally and emotionally prepared for what the lifestyle entails. It takes setting up ground rules between each other if you decide to give it a try, but there are five MUSTS that couple need to have before they even think about talking about it, let alone experiencing it.
1. Be totally in love and totally committed to each other in every way.
2. Be totally open an honest in your discussions about sexual fantasies and ideas.
3.Being 100% trusting of each other is a MUST.
4. There can be no hints of jealousy in any way by either partner.
5. Above all, this MUST be a mutual decision by both partners.
To often I’ve heard from the husband who wants to get into it say, “The wife will be fine, she’ll get used to it,” Sorry, the only thing she will get used to is seeing her divorce attorney. If a couple follows those five “musts” then you have taken the first step toward the possibility of getting into the lifestyle.
There is much, much more that goes into being part of this lifestyle and every Wednesday we’ll give more insight and answer the questions you may have concernig you and the lifestyle. I can tell you from experience, that over the past 30 years i have met some of the most fantastic people of all ages, backgrounds and professions who are in, or have been in, the lifestyle. As true, honest, caring friends they don’t come any better and I have never regretted one minute of becoming part of this growing lifestyle. Have a fantastic week everyone.
Art Koch, National Features & DVD Editor, NightMoves magazine and AAN</emShare This!
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