We continue on with our weekly series on the swinging lifestyle and what it is about, what it takes and what it could mean as part of one’s life. As we have said every week since I began this series, it is NOT for everyone. It takes very special couples to be part of this and enjoy all that the lifestyle offers, which is a LOT more than just sexual pleasure.
Over the first two articles in this series we have attempted to give you a rundown on what the lifestyle is, what it entails, the pros and cons, etc. We have attempted to give you a broad look from the perspective of our 30 years in the lifestyle and those of other swingers. I sincerely hope that if this is something you and your significant other have thought about, wondered about or curious about that you will keep copies of each of the articles as a reference point as we move along. One thing we made VERY clear was the 5 “musts” a couple should have in their lives before they even give this lifestyle any thought or a try. Without all five of these “musts” your attempts at the lifestyle will result in failure and ruin a good marriage/relationship and it is just not worth it.
Some of the FAQ’s we answered in the last installment had to do with giving it a try, jhow to go about getting into it, concern about looks, body and age, best first time encounter among them.
So please go back over the first two installments of this series and use them as reference points. Now on to a few more FAQ’s, questions that have been asked over the years of me and other new couples coming into the lifestyle. Hopefully these questions and answers will be a help to you as well.
1. What happens if we meet a couple, get along but there is only a sexual attraction one and not both?
A. This is one of the reasons why having a social meeting at a restaurant, coffeehouse, bar, etc. is extremely important. It gives everyone the chance to get to know each other as people first. You may get along, have things in common but there is nothing that connects sexually for all four. However, don’t do it, just to do it when not everyone is compatible. If nothing else you have made new friends with a couple without swinging.
2. Okay, we have met a couple, we are all com[compatible and want to get together and swing. What do we do if the woman turns out to be bi but my wife wants no part of that. How do we avoid an embarrassing situation?
A. First of all those kind of guidelines should be discussed when you are talking to folks and the possibility of getting together so that the ‘rules” are established. Secondly, and most important, swingers are very understanding, considerate and will never push someone into something they are either not ready for or don’t want to have happen. You always go at your own pace and comfort level in a swinging situation. When you are ready to expand your sexual horizons you will know. It is nothing to be concerned about.
3. We have found a swinger’s club with a good reputation fairly close to our area and have decided to go, have fun and just maybe swing, but we do not want to be pressured. How do we handle that?
A. Your first visit to a swinger’s club will be a mix of anticipation and nervousness. Dress comfortable, casual and not sexually overboard. Let the club hosts know you are newbies so they can help you break the ice socially. Mix and mingle and don’t hide the fact you are new, they all were at one time as well. Socialize, dance, take part in any contests, etc. they may have and enjoy yourself. As for swinging on that first time out, only YOU will both know if you are ready. I can promise you that you will not be pressured because of the swinger’s golden rule, “No means No!” Just have a great time, enjoy the experience and you will know when it’s time to swing.
4. We have been to a couple of clubs as observers, had fun and now ready to take the next step. We decided that we’d like our first time to be a threesome, just not sure if a male or female would be best for that first time. What do you think?
A. Once again, it comes down to your comfort level, guidelines and what you feel will be the biggest turn on. If it’s a female the chances of some bi play are greatly increased and if the wife is not comfortable with any type of bi play that could present a problem. If a male is brought in, which most women fantasize about, there is almost zero chance of bi play as both men make the woman their focus. Over the years the majority I have talked to said their first threesome was with another male and was a fantastic experience. The bottom line is once again your guidelines, comfort level and what will work best for you and bring about the maximum pleasure for all parties.
We hope that we have answered a few more questions for you about the lifestyle and the possibility of getting into it. I cannot strees enough it is NOT for everyone, but for the near 4 million in the U.SD. who are part of it, at every age level, it has been a great experience and addition to their lives. Be sure and check out, and print out, the previous installments in this series.
Have a wonderful week, enjoy life to the very fullest and always remember this, “Today is the tomorrow you dreamed about yesterday!”
Art Koch, National Features & DVD Editor, NightMoves magazine and AAN
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